Sorry for the delay in getting this together, but I've had quite a lot to do. You must learn that patience is a virtue!

Show 7 was one of the best in our opinion, although it left a few of you non-plussed due to being full of cress. We're surprised you didn't enjoy this (I know many of you did). For us it's the repetition and inevitability that make it funny. Personally I also thought it was quite a good satire of advertising and product placement and not to do it loads with have lessened this effect.

But at the end of the day it was just a load of stupid stuff about cress.

With minimal sporting competition our figures leapt to 0.6, the second highest Sunday total of the series (I think we got a lot of Simpsons fans in week 1). But we got 1.3 million on Friday which evened it up to normal.

Complaints were the usual, though there were a couple about the Airey Neave reference, which was of course actually taking the piss out of people who make sick jokes (see below) but as usual, people missed the irony and took it at face value.

Here's some thoughts.

1) Ginge and George - the closest to a proper joke we've ever done in these bits! Based around the documentary about Geri from this week and her calling a Shitsu dog a Shiatsu.

2) I'm the man - not exactly a song title, but Rich saw Kris Akabussi do it on a TV show and thought it was so ridiculous. Our audience was primed not to respond "You're the man", but I don't think they would have anyway!

3) Menu: Debbie Magee - some of you may think we were alluding to a rumour about her love for dogs. We could not possibly comment.

4) The shepherd seems to be becoming popular - We got the picture from a photo library. Does anyone know his real identity? There will soon be a shepherd based king of the show

5) Marilyn Manson - as a tribute to the MM fans who liked our dig at his detractors a couple of weeks ago (and to the one fan who thought we were joining in against him) we dressed Rich T as MM. He looked pretty good and I think he enjoyed having breasts (one woman rang in to complain about false breasts being shown on TV at this time!).

6) Cress - I think some of you were confused by this. We chose cress for no reason. Just because it is the last thing that would have a marketing board or an advert, and yet is always in shops. So many shows have product placement (They Think it's all over, always seems to have Walkers crisps on it), so we thought we'd do something about that (like the scratchcard thing in series 1). It's also slightly self mocking. We've always been very self important about not doing adverts and this seemed a good way to cover the subject without actually advertising anything of value!

7) Unusual Priest - Surprisingly no complaints from Jews thinking we were having a go at them (which we weren't - it's about religion's attitudes to one another) but there's probably still time!

8) Red mini with a white roof - Stu's routine was based on a real life incident, but don't look out for him in a red mini, he changed the identity of his car to protect his anonymity!

9) Cress in the face - sorry to the bloke who I attacked. I was overtaken by the crazy character of Richard Herring and was rougher than I (the real Richard Herring) intended. It looked really funny though! Thanks to the people who have pointed out that cress is actually of some nutritional value. We don't care.

10) Quinlank: Internet - A few cross references for fan spods. Firstly Alan Cecil (played brilliantly by non-actor Kevin Cecil - an actor would overplay it, Kev tried as hard as he could, but looked natural - writer of Friday Night Armistice and other such programmes) appeared as SQ's nerd in the Train Ignoring sketch in FOF. Second, SQ uses Algernon Nerd's catchphrase to mock Alan, despite the fact that SQ is himself a nerd. We are not having a go at nerds in any of these sketches, quite the opposite. We love nerds and think they will rule the earth. And we hate weak jokes at nerds' expense. But all you nerds who e mailed to complain are nerds and should go and do the shopping for your mum.

It is a shame that the computer we used was so obviously fake (no insides). It is ironic that we filmed the sketch at Riverside where C Evans has thrown so many things from windows!

11) Gail Porter - I was starting to feel sorry for her - but then she appeared on the Houses of Parliament and went and blew it

12) History of Alt Com: Anthony De La Mitri - this was the first one of these we wrote and is entirely based on what Andy de la Tour actually said on the real Hist of Alt Com documentary. He seemed so proud of his terrible and offensive joke, and this was what we were having a go at, not Airey Neave himself.

Rich once nearly had a fight with some of the blokes from De la Mitri, which is why we called him this.

13) Bill Hicks - it was nice to see Bill getting a good round of applause from our audience. Try and get some of his CDs. They're (mainly) great.

14) Dr Who - a couple of disgruntled Dr Who fans were disappointed by our reference to Trev and Nat looking like Dr Who characters. But Stu just made it up during one of the rehearsals and so we stuck it in.

15) The Cress Dance - we were trying to be a bit like the Gap advert. Some of the "moves" came from Rich's tribute to Boney M and Rasputin "Ra Ra Rasputin". Rich is trying to use the crowning song as an excuse to put in gratuitous swearing. Have you spotted his rudeness?

16) Trolley - We cut quite a funny bit from the trolley for time. Here it is
S And what's this? Pingu Crisp?

R Delicious sweetened pingu and fish shapes, warning made from real penguins beaks

S Give me that - who can deny the pleasure that is given by knowing that a charming and rare animal has died to make a novelty breakfast cereal for your child to refuse to eat because it really wanted Coco pops

R Not called Coco Pops now grandad

S Pingu crisp guarantee that at least 4 penguins died in the manufacture of the contents of this packet. Pingu crisp is a subsidiary of International Society of killing poor children.

R Oh! Er…. Eat more cress! Eat it!

RICH FORCES STU TO EAT CRESS
17) Milk of Human Kindness - I think this was about the weakest of these (the joke also featured on the repeat of one of the shows in series 1). But then I think they're all pretty weak. Still you lot lap them up like they were milk!

18) KOTShow - democracy in action. The twins are genuinely Britain's second tallest twins. But Brionie Rhumble at 5ft 4 is apparently our tallest viewer.

19) Lettuce - Cress Sex. The usual story - same opening shot, clearly a different lettuce in the second scene! Here's the script in English!

7) CRESS WEEK - DONE, NOT EDITED


TITLES. ETC. CAPTION "LONG STEMMED LOVERS" LIVING ROOM. DAD LETTUCE COMES IN.

DAD Evening dear. I'm home.

CANNED LAUGHTER. NO ANSWER. PAUSE.

DAD Oh. That's odd.

HE OPENS BEDROOM DOOR. SCREAM. MUM LETTUCE IN BED WITH PUNNET OF CRESS. CANNED LAUGHTER

DAD Alice! With Cress!

MUM George! I can explain!

CANNED LAUGHTER

CRESS (MULTI TRACKED) I'll get my coat.

CANNED LAUGHTER DAD FAINTS. CANNED LAUGHTER CREDITS ETC...
20) Lazy advertising slugs - the people featured in the cartoon are Lee Hurst with Andrex, Alan Davies with a cat (ironically it is his girlfriend singing the theme tune of this segment) Peter Baynham with a Pot Noodle, Paul Putner with Ragu and Tizer and some bloke that Joseph Champniss (the illustrator) has chosen for God knows what reason! (It's Ben Elton holding some of that Politically Correct chocolate bar, the name of which I can't remember! - Rob)

We have always been annoyed about advertisers stealing ideas from people and this seemed a perfect opportunity to make that point. Gillian Wearing's photographic piece "Signs that say what you want them to say 1992-1993" is a real series of pictures which you will have seen given a tribute to in that car ad. We had to recreate the picture using Production Manager Jez Nightingale as Wearing's people didn't want to get directly involved in our speculation.

21) Things Fall Over: Porn in garage - another fine performance from Kev as possibly the nastiest bloke on the earth! The actor who plays Tim Gibbs-Norman is getting a fair amount of e-mails from young girls. Sorry I can't remember what he's called, but if you care look through the credits of the show and work it out by a process of elimination

22) Curious Alien - The jury seems to be divided between the alien and the orange, but mostly in favour of the orange. Many of you have suggested that there might be some kind of show down between the 2. No, you don't say!

23) Curious Orange - Paul ad libbed singing the song at the top, which we thought was funny. If you look at the mini cab sketch from last week you can see the mark left by the bird poop on the Orange's head (but how? That happened before!).

24) Corr's Shrine - Robbie Williams may be heading for a fall as I am fed up of having him on my stomach. Did you see the bit of cress that got stuck in his mouth when the plaster got stuck on, only to be revealed later? The alien muck joke was one of my favourites. I had a line there, but the audience was way ahead of me, so I muttered it quietly so that Gareth the director would bring in the VT!

25) Sunday Heroes - we shot this at the end of a long day of filming and were both exhausted. We're surprised how well it came out. We feel sure someone must have done this idea before, but I doubt they would have chosen the same items to be tempting as we did! A lot of sad blokes want the Gail Porter cut out. Well you can't have it. Make your own!

26) Nostradamus - Rich and Nosty's love thwarted again. Oh when will they be together? The sado masochism just gets worse. How do we get away with it?

27) Morons From Outer Space - we all had such a laugh filming this and it used to go well on tour, but the audience didn't really go for it. I don't know why. Paul Putner coached us in "Smith and Jones"-isms. Did you spot the moon on a stick in the background?

28) Smith and Jones routine - a dig at our forebears and ourselves. Those of you who've seen Festival of Fun will know that we like to refer to comedians by their surname.

29) Nicola Walker - a friend of Emma's and not romantically linked to anyone in the show. She kindly agreed to come in to do the "embarrassed" slot, and take the piss out of herself a bit. So the fans who have left unkind comments about her on the guestbook are being very rude. So apologise. She's lovely.

30) Unusual Priest: Cress - Well what a surprise that was! It wasn't meant to be, you twits!

31) End - this all got a bit screwed up as we were told going into it we were 20 seconds over and started to rush, when in fact we were 10 seconds under, so we had to pull back and cover. No-one seemed to notice, but it was annoying as we had to curtail Stu's great joke about subscribing to Sky, and then were told we still had 30 seconds to fill. In the post sig with Ian Cress (which was not captured on film particularly well) I was not getting any kind of countdown to the end of the show (if you look in my eyes you can see the fear). Similarly confused, Stu got up to attempt to cover, as we had no idea how long was left til the end. It was a shame, and pissed us off a lot. It's a shame cos it had been a really enjoyable show and to end it like that was (for us) annoying. But I don't think anyone else really noticed

Hope you enjoyed the show. Do let us know what you thought. I know it was a long time ago now!