Stew & Rich start the show with the terrible news that Michael Jackson is back in town, and, talking of people who've got away with very serious crimes - Rich refers to the documentary that was on in the week about the diaries of Jack the Ripper. Rich is convinced that the diaries are genuine. His basis for that decision? The first fifty pages had been ripped out - he just can't resist ripping things can Jack the Ripper.
Stew isn't so sure. Jack the Ripper was a master criminal, after all, he wouldn't leave a diary lying around - and if he had, it would have been a decoy diary. Containing stuff like "Tuesday. I didn't kill anyone today in a bizarre ritual murder, and I wasn't sexually excited by it when I did it, because I didn't even do it. I'm not Jack the Ripper, I wasn't there." American movie producers, Seahand & Zemquitt, are up next telling how they'd recently been offered a script for a film called "Jurassic Park".
But they didn't like the format. Get rid of the dinosaurs, replace them with a pack of dogs - and don't set it on an island. No, use a suburban street. And don't call it "Jurassic Park". Call it "Beethoven's Second". And then, then - you have a hit on your hands. Or do you?
Getting back to topical stuff, Rich notices that this week has seen "Shrove Tuesday", the annual festival when people prepare for the abstinence of lent by eating all the leftover batter in their houses. Stew is unimpressed. "But it's tradition" pleads Rich.
No.
It's not a tradition, Pancake Tuesday was invented in 1978 by pancake industry fat cats in an attempt to make gullible people like Rich eat more pancakes.
Rich corrects him, informing him that it is actually a religious festival that was invented by Satan in AD 42 when he tempted Jesus in the desert.
With a pancake.
He then ventures into the audience, dishing pancakes out to anyone who will have them, and some that won't. However, Jarvis Cocker - lead singer of the band Pulp - foils Rich's pancake-based generosity & bursts through the Studio with cries of "No, No pancakes, No!". Initially offended by Cocker's actions, Rich suddenly realises that he'd actually done him a favour. Because today is in fact Friday, the third day of lent and in dishing out the pancakes, Rich had been breaking the Lenten law.

Stew goes on to underline the pointlessness of British tradition, but Rich tries to demonstrate otherwise. This week, the Fist Of Fun cameras had been sent to Shrewsbury in Shropshire to catch up with the Shrewsbury Pie Pie festival.
Every year, the people of Shrewsbury keep their leftover pies for the Pie Man who collects them all together & puts them in a giant Pie Shell. The Piemaster whisks up all the pies and once the pies have been cooked together, the giant Pie Pie is eaten the feast day of St. Ian, the patron saint of pies.
The authorities are obviously very concerned about this tradition, explaining that every decade the people of Shrewsbury also make a Pie Pie Pie, containing leftovers of Pie Pies from the previous ten years. Meaning of course that some elements of the Ten Year Pie Pie Pie could be hundreds of years old!
But fear not, the Pie Man understands the importance of properly cooking his wares, and so gets two domestic electric heaters & turns them right up to setting three.
The people of Shrewsbury are insistent that they want to eat the pie, but the authorities are not so keen. Needless to say, the festivities culminate in hospital beds full of Pie-poisoned inhabitants of Shrewsbury.
Back in the Studio, Rich is doing some hard-hitting Rory Bremner style satire, which makes Stew suspicious. This is unlike Rich, who is clearly treading water, and it's time for Peter's bit now, isn't it?

The sound of banging alerts Stew to the presence of Peter locked inside his cupboard. And strangely, the key hanging round Rich's neck opens the cupboard.

So Pete's here! He's got Alan Milk-Carton-Body with him & his new friend, John Menzies, who is a mouse (or is it a rat?) Pete tells of the games he invented whilst locked inside the cupboard with no food or air. "I Cry" is based on "I Spy", and originated from John Menzies trying to eat his eyeball every time he tried to sleep. Or, you could light a match so you can see all the interesting stains in the cupboard & have a game of "Stain Twister".
A brief discussion about celebrities & drugs ensues, as Rich accuses Stew of being a drug addict. Because after all, cigarettes are drugs. Stew fights back, pointing out that Heroin is a drug and Rich is addicted to that. But no, Heroin is a medicine. At least, according to Rich it is. Stew warns Rich of the downfall that excessive drug use will lead to, but Rich explains that it was written in the bible, and so it must be shall. And he refers to the tale of the Prodigal Son.
As Rich & Stew come to wrap up the show, they hear more banging from Peter's cupboard. It's not Pete - it's Rod Hull from Emu's Broadcasting Company!!! He's been looking for jelly. He needs his jelly!
Despite the fact that he's not an official guest, he wins the audience's sympathy & Stew gets him some jelly, but problems persist as he fails to grasp the bowl in his real arm. The jelly's all over the floor. But no matter, Rod will have his jelly and he's down on the floor lapping it up like a dog. Or a man who really loves jelly.
The credits roll, but are followed instantly by "Ian News".
Presented by Ians Ketterman & Lewis, Ian news is report-ian-ing on all things Ian related